Missing! One Christmas Spirit!

The voice awoke me from my sleep and sounded vaguely familiar. “Who are you?” I said shaking under the covers. I could see a silhouette standing in the door. I reached for the light but the spirit told me to lie still and I quickly laid my head down. I did not want to argue with a spirit.

“What do you want from me?” I said, with the covers pulled tightly around my head. The voice in the door way said, “I have come to help you find Christmas but you must come with me!”

I replied, “Oh thank you kindly but I think I will just stay here. I am open to pictures, maybe a video?”

“Silence!” the spirit yelled. “I have watched you in your self- loathing and I cannot take it anymore, ARISE!”

My body then began to rise from the covers and next thing I knew I was standing next to the shadow. I still could not see its face. The voice sounded so familiar and it was bugging me that I could not put my finger on it.

“So spirit, what is this all about?” I ask bravely. The spirit began to speak, “I have watched you bash Christmas every year! I have felt the bitterness in your voice but you sit idly by year after year doing nothing about it! You have lost your Christmas spirit and I am here to help you find it!"

I looked up puzzled, “I surely do not know what you are talking about and surely you are not speaking about me. I buy presents for everyone. I put up a tree. What else do you want from me?”

The wind began to blow and suddenly, lifted higher, I am flying. The silhouette of this spirit is before me and I am flying close behind. I reach out to try to touch its garment but my hand goes through it. Of course it does, as it is a spirit. I look below and see the lights of the city. Suddenly we start to descend fast and I can feel my heart beating out of chest. I am sure we will hit the ground, but we land softly on the steps of the local shelter.

“I know what this is about, you are going to show me all the needy people, I am going to feel guilty, and want to give more...okay, I get it spirit!” I say sarcastically.

“Do you ever stop moving your lips? Even when you were a small girl…it was blah… blah… blah!” The spirit retorted. “Look,” the spirit said, as he pointed through the window.

A mother and child were sitting on a small twin bed. She was singing a lullaby to her. I listened closely it was Silent night. Oh, her voice sounded like an angel. I realized soon enough, that the child was I. The woman was my sweet mother!

“Mommy, will we ever have a home again?” the child asked when the mother finished the last note. Holding the little girl close,“We have a home, it is right here in our heart,” said the mother gently.

“But it’s Christmas, and we don’t have a tree or any gifts!” The child said sadly.

The mother looked at her child with the biggest smile, “no gifts you say…and no Christmas tree…oh you must take another look!”

The Mother grabbed their hats, coats, and hand in hand, they made their way outside. Pointing to the large tree covered with snow on its branches, “There is our tree, the grandest of all trees,” said the mother. "The tree is perfectly decorated with snow, and will never die.”

The moon cast its light upon the tree and it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I watched as my mother and I held each other admiring the tree. I remember the feeling that night. The love that was so warm and inviting. Mother took the red ribbon from her hair and made a small bow. Handing it to the child, she said, “Go ahead, and decorate our beautiful tree!”

The child smiled, took the red bow, and placed it on one of its branches.

“Now look again my love…here is our beautiful Christmas tree. Even with just one decoration, you can see it shine so brightly thanks to the moon. It does not have to have all that other fancy stuff on it that means nothing. It is simple in its beauty.” The mother said smiling.

“I remember that tree!” I exclaimed. “It was the best Christmas tree ever, because it was the last one I decorated with my mom! I told myself that every Christmas I would honor her memory by carrying the Christmas spirit with me. She always told me it was not what you have; it is what is in the heart. The heart contains everything you will ever need.”

The spirit nodded in agreement. I looked at the spirit and attempedt to argue one more point. “Spirit, Christmas is so commercialized and has lost its meaning!”

The spirit turned its eerie figure towards me and said, “And whose fault is that?”

“Well… it is all those people…you know the ones!”

“All what people, I am looking at just one at the moment,” said the spirit as it floated around me.

“The ones who push the merchandise, and the commercials, the whole thing just makes me sick!” I said angrily.

“Since when do you have to watch the commercials? Is someone forcing you to hold the remote in your hand? Why do you not go ring a bell somewhere? I am sure the Salvation Army could use a hand! As far as the commercialism…well who said you have to be a part of all that hype? It is what you do in your own heart that counts,” said the spirit as it floated down to rest in the doorway.

“Spirit I swear I know you from somewhere…please step out of the shadows so I may see who you are!” I said stepping back in fear.

Suddenly, the spirit stepped forward and to my surprise, it was like looking in a mirror. It was I the whole time. It was my own voice beckoning me to change my attitude and good will towards men. I put my head down in shame.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, we all get the hum bug sometimes but only you can make this holiday what it used to be. Only you can bring Christmas back into your heart,” the spirit said to me or I should say, I said to myself.

Left all alone in the darkness of my bedroom, the spirit departed. I knew then that I had to make a change. Christmas was going to be the best one ever. I had to gather up things for the shelter, pull out some old fabric and start making some stockings for the nursing home nearby, oh yes, I have to bake some cookies for the garbage men and postman. Suddenly I remember the ribbon. I had put it away many years ago for safe keeping. The last Christmas with my mom, I had removed the ribbon from the tree, as I never wanted to forget that night. Mommy never knew.The last time I put the ribbon on a tree was when my children were little. They loved the Christmas story of me and their grandmother. It was always the first decoration we would put on the tree.

I pull out momma’s red ribbon from my old tin box and make my way outside. I tie the ribbon once more around the snow covered branches. Standing back and admiring its beauty, I feel a tear run down my cheek. How beautiful and simple!

Making my way back into house I think to myself,

Oh my goodness, there is so much to do and in so little time…

I look towards heaven and say, “Mommy can you see me? I found Christmas!”

Sunnie Day 2011