Hitting Bottom: A Young Man's Tale and Tough Love
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Two years have passed and not a word from Tommy. We could not speak his name. This left me many a nights begging God to bring him home. He left on such bad terms with dad. Years of drugs, probation, and jail, finally pushed my father to the edge. He could no longer let his heart be broken once more. This family was on the verge of a break down. I still remember his words to Tommy.
“Son I love you but there is no way you are going to continue to disrespect this house! When you get your life in order, you can come home. Now please pack your bags and leave!”
I look at Tommy and he looks at me, tears fill both our eyes. I am only ten but he is a good brother to me. He loves me this I know. So much, I do not understand. Why does Tommy do the things he does? Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and there will be once again an empty place at the table. It is not the same. I find myself thinking about him on every holiday, thinking about where Tommy may be and if he is okay.
_____________________________
The last two years have been hell. I have been out on the streets, moving from one place to another. I cannot tell you how many nights I have went to bed hungry. The park bench has been my bed. I have done things that I am not proud of to get money. I look back and think why I was born with such a stubborn streak. The drugs took over my life for a time. I could not think about anything except my next high. My parents have bailed me out more times, than I can count. I knew they would. They loved me. They did not want to see their only son behind bars. Dad finally stood up, and said enough is enough, and gave me my walking papers. There were tears in his eyes. I knew he was hurting. I could not get angry, deep inside I knew I had finally broke my old man.
______________________________________
Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I want to go home but I cannot, not yet. I think about my family and how they are doing. I know I hurt them badly. If they had not made me hit bottom, I shudder to think of where I may be. I do not think I would have made a change. If it was not for the kindness of strangers, I wonder where I would be today.
Mr. Flores my mentor, my big brother, my friend, showed me the way out. I mean here is a man who grew up very poor, he worked hard, and he values his life and his family. I must have been blind. Yes granted I am a young man, but there are no excuses that I can give.
A few months ago, he caught me stealing some food from his store on the corner. He yells at me, “Boy get over here or I will call the police.”
I make my way over and he stands about a foot shorter than I do. He looks up into my eyes and says, “Why you steal from me?” I tell him I am hungry. He then says, “You don’t steal anymore; you work for me and sleep in the back.”
I have been on the streets for over a year and half, what did I have to loose. He shows me the back room, which has a bed, sink, and a toilet.
“You wash up, come back, and I will show you what to do,” says Mr. Flores.
I make my way back up to the front of the store and right away Mr. Flores puts me to work. I start stocking vegetables in the bins, sweeping the floor, washing windows, and many other things. Every time I think, I am finished Mr. Flores gives me one more chore. By 6 pm, it is closing time. “ Get washed, you come with me!”
I wash up, Mr. Flores closes the store, and we walk a couple blocks up the street to an apartment building. We walk up a couple flights of stairs and come to apartment 103. He opens the door and his wife greets him with a kiss. She asks in Spanish who the gringo is.
Mr. Flores tells her to speak English that it is not proper to speak Spanish in front of the guest. She sighs big and says, “Fine, hello welcome to our home!”
I count five children that come running to meet their father. They hug him tightly. He sits down in a big overstuffed chair as they gather round. The oldest child asks, “Papa, what story do you have to tell us today?”
Mr. Flores looks at me and says, “Tommy is going to tell you his story and then you will go to bed!” I look up surprised and tell Mr. Flores there is no way I can tell them my story. I do not have a story. He looks at me with sternness, “Yes you will tell your story!” Before I can object once more, all the children have gathered around me. “What is your story Tommy, please tell us,” says one of the younger children. Nervously, I begin to say what comes to mind.
“Well, I do not have a home. Your dad gave me a job and a place to stay.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, the little girls shout out, “No home! Oh Tommy, that is so sad!”
“I mean… I have a home but I left my home!” I attempt to explain. “But why would you leave your mama and papa? Were they mean to you?” one of the boys ask with such big eyes.
“Uh... no... They were really nice and loved me,” I say sadly.
I can feel a lump begin to form in my throat, and I do not think I can continue.
Mr. and Mrs. Flores stand by, holding each other, and let the scene play out. The children are all waiting in anticipation, hanging on to my every word.
“I did not treat my parent’s right, and I had to leave.” I continue to explain.
One of the youngest children who was about five stands up and says, “I love my mama and papa, and I will never hurt them!” as she ran over hugging them tightly. The next thing I know the children run grabbing, and hugging their parents. I look over to see one child who had lingered behind. He looks at me intently, and says,
“Tommy, you need to go home and never hurt your parents again!” He then gets up and joins the family. They all stand there staring at me. I do not know what to say. I just sit there as if this young boy has hit me in the stomach.
Mr. Flores finally breaks up the emotional moment and we sit down to eat. The table is quiet and I catch the children peeking at me between bites. I know what they are thinking. Little did I know that they would feed me the next few months.
_________________________________________
Mr. Flores taught me nothing comes easy. He tells me about his days in Mexico how hard he worked to get his visa and come to America. He started working on a ranch, went to school, and got a small business loan to open up his own store. The one thing that he never thought about was breaking the law or leaving his family. I learned a lot from Mr. Flores. I realized my own father is a good man who worked hard too. Why did it take a total stranger to break me and show me that my family was one to be valued and treasured?
Mr. Flores calls me to the front of the store to tell me I am going home today. It is Thanksgiving morning. He says, “Tommy it is time. Here is your bus ticket. I want you to go home.”
“What if they do not want me back? I say sadly,“Then you will always have a home here…now go!”
The family all gathers and walks me to the bus station. Looking out the window, I see the love of a family, something that I had given up, something I did not appreciate, something that I will never lose again.
Goodbye, my family who saved me from myself, I will miss you.
The bus pulls up to the station and it is around 11am. I have a few dollars in my pocket and wonder if I should call home or just show up. I decide to show up. I call a taxi and arrive at the house about 12 noon. I make my way up to the door. I am so scared of rejection that I am shaking. I do not know what is about to happen. I knock on the door. My father opens the door and is standing there staring at me, as if he is in shock.
“Hi dad, I know you said I could come back if I changed my life around and... uhh”
Suddenly, my dad grabs me, holding me tight. He is crying.
I think to myself,
Thank you Dad for letting me fall!
Sunnie Day 2011
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Sunnie,
What a beautiful story and life lesson. Tough love can work. Although your tale comes across as fiction, I knew there are pieces of your life within. And I was so happy to read above that you are communicating with your son. Wishing you the best!
Sharyn
Dear Ken,
I am so happy your son has turned around..What a blessing..I can not tell you how that makes my heart just jump for joy. I get a letter about once every four days and my son is hanging in there.. He writes such beautiful letters. I know the holidays will be hard for him but I keep praying that this time will be one of change and healing. I will always believe in him..Thank you for always being there for me..You are such a wonderful friend. I know you understand and have kept him in your prayers..Thank you for that.
Happy Holidays..and I am so glad we have you back to ourselves now..lol
Big hugs,
Sunnie
Sunnie I've been busy this past month with reading poetry of contestants, I have not abandoned you sweet writer. I am back now to start my reads and catch up. This is a heart wrenching story, yet I know how you feel. I walked through this with my son and we spent many a day and night fighting to keep him from slipping away.
I to am proud to announce that he has made a complete change and is finishing his last year of HS and taking a trade in carpentry. He is off drugs he tells me and I am praying that is the case. He did decide however to go back and live with his mom and sister, only to be closer to his friends, I fully understood that and wished him all the best.
He flies on his own now, his broken wings are healed and an Angel came to his rescue and loaned him his for awhile to get the feel for flying solo, but never alone. Peace and blessings to you my sweet friend, I see I have a lot of reading ahead of me. LoL
Hello Sue and Glassvisage,
Yes this has been a hard journey and one I pray not many parents have to walk through. Thank you for your prayers and throughts..
Much love,
Sunnie
Such a beautiful story. I wish more parents would let their children fall so they can get back up. This son will be so much better off now. Thanks for this writing.
Hi Sunnie
I am not a parent but I can only imagine how tough it was to stop coming to your son's rescue.
You did it out of love and maybe not now but I pray that one day your son will realize it.
My prayers are with you.
Hi Becky,
I guess so many mess up over and over that when someone really is trying they have heard it all before and do not want to budge..I know the rules here are very strict. Although when it came to changing appts..they did not let my son either..but his work was understanding..he only reported once a month which is a little different and was just up the street from his job..I am sorry there was no way they could change the appt so he could keep his job..The last thing one wants is to repeat the crime to pay probation..I hope he works it out Becky..I know it is so hard..Im sorry..I guess as parents we see them trying OR not..but to the probation they only know what they see everyday..I am sure they hear so many excuses..and if they started being easy on one..it would keep going..not that it makes it better..just my thinking..
Sunnie, read the first 4 lines. LOL before I read this. I'll be heading out Sunday Morning after all my meat thermometers read near the same as the temperature. 28 to 39 degrees so it will stay 40 or under on the 9 hour drive to my meat locker, with the wind chill should be no problem....
dust
Sunnie, I do not believe that someone understood when I posted earlier. I am not enabling David. I kicked him out in the streets and he was sleeping in the woods in the winter. The probation he is on is totally unwilling to help these kids out. He lost two jobs because they would not let him come in after he got off work. They wanted him in there at a certain time. Then when he lost his job because of them, they still wanted just as much money. He was making fair money and they weren't even leaving him enough to buy food. We had to buy most of his food. If he had been paying rent, he would have been on the streets, hungry and with no roof. They would not care. They had him giving them $250 every two weeks and when he lost his job because of them, they still wanted it. He would have to rob somebody to get that money. It is very frustrating watching him try so hard and getting the shaft. His crime was; he shoplifted some food when he was living in the woods. He spent 9 months in jail and has to pay $20 to the store restitution and $1500 in court costs. He has 12 months probation at $45 a month also. I think that is a bit out of line for the crime.
Dust...I think you should slip on some shoes when you go make yellow snow again..do not want you sick...I just thought of that...only ten minutes later...Maybe a sock or slip on boot..I have one question did you read this before changing the color in the snow or after..just curious..no reason really...lol
Hi Dusty,
I have heard from you twice today and I feel so blessed. I know of all people you have been there too..Underneath all the self destruction I do believe God sees the inward parts..they are just covered up..I am still believing that my son will rise above..I have to as his mom. You my friend are a blessing and I am so happy you did rise above the ashes and you are here today to tell about it..I pray there will be someone to pick him up and put him on solid ground.But most of all he finds the strength within himself first...
Lots of love..Are you heading home yet?
Be careful and be safe,
Love,
Sunnie
Sunnie, another fine read. I had 5 frozen toes from a quick trip out bare foot in my Union suit and quick peg leg bare foot to make yellow snow. Then I read this. I found me thinking of the positive side of 5 cold toes vs ten. That set me to the path of self destruction of either drinking or drugging my way past, my past. It reminded me of hitting bottom and the things that went with it. I never drug my dad into my circle of my problems, I had them pretty much beat before going back to his house in the mining town. I refused to sign a waver for the Marine Corps, who put stories about soldiers in the local news papers of every thing from getting a rank change to combat awards or purple hearts and how one got them. I successfully kept the little town out of the loop and hit bottom and crawled out before anyone knew about it.
Dad didn't know any part of what I did or anything else past boot camp and my call home telling him I wasn't coming home for a while and was sending him all of my money and wanted him to wire it to where I was when I needed more and proceeded to go rambling staying drunk and drugged looking for a place I could fit in. Bottom was for me, me and no matter where I went the problem was there as well. One day a feller told me that it was me I was running from and if I was ready to quit, pick a hospital and get in to a rehab program and get clean and learn to live with myself.
It was good advise and when I accepted it, I checked in and came out hurting still but it was a mental thing then and I had to get me a support group and battle the demons for a year before I could go back to Dads house and let him in on the circus that was my life post discharge.I had his help putting me to work in the copper mine rigging explosives on the powder crew. It paid decent and I got a couple of abandoned girls a whole nuther story.
You put out a great thanks giving hub here for any one who rebounded from bottom, voted up,
Peace, Blessings and Love,
dust
Thank you Linda,
No you are not alone and there are many of us out there praying..Together we can surely comfort and uplift each other..
May God bless your family and in time all things will be the way they should be..
Happy Thanksgiving,
Love,
Sunnie
Dear Chris,
It was so hard to write..I think I wrote it for me and others,..maybe a prayer of what I would like to see happen in my own's son life..That even though we had to have the tough love that God will provide a stranger that may help him and in time would bring him home a better man. I know you are that kind of father..I have no doubt..Thank you for reading and I pray you and your family have a very blessed Thanksgiving..
Love,
Sunnie
Sunnie, I know this was a very emotional hub for you...as a very proud father, I could feel the pain in this...and it made my heart hurt. That ending is the closest to agape love us humans can experience...I know I would be that dad.
this is a precious one..and I hope you have a great day tomorrow.
Chris
Well, those of us who have had to do something like this, we now know we are not alone.
Hi Mar,
As myself and many parents that have walked this road, we can only dream of the day that the child who has lost their way can find their way home..Thank you so much for reading..
God bless,
Love,
Sunnie
Dear Sunnie,
I also, like Hyph, thought of the Prodigal Son while reading this story, which has the makings of a holiday classic. This is written from deep in your heart, so powerful. Voted UP & UABI, mar.
Thank you my friend Josephine
Great story!
Happy Thanksgiving.
Thank you Femmel,
While I am still waiting..I write this only to help someone who may be going through the same thing. There is strength when people pull together..knowing we are all there for eachother..Thank you for your kind words,
Love,
Sunnie
Thank you Prasetio,
God bless my friend,
Sunnie
Dear Susie,
Tough love is hard but is the most loving thing one can do...
Thank you,
Love,
Sunnie
Tough love is sometimes needed. Thanks for sharing this great story with us! Love, Susieq
Sunnie Girl,
After reading all the comments, I can't imagine how hard this was for you to write.
And, though it's such a sad story starting out, and even through the middle, the hope shines beautifully through the print.
I so glad it has a happy ending. I think that's a way of claiming something good.
God bless you girlfriend - I'll keep you and yours in my prayers.
Beautiful story from my best friend. Thank you very much for share with us. Well done, Sunnie. My vote always for you. Cheers...
Prasetio
Dear Frog,
I would be so happy to find one day that my son would be writing on hubs and sending up lifting messages..you give me hope since you have been in both spaces...
Your Texas Friend,
Best wishes on your new move into your home,
Sunnie
You always amaze me SD. Hitting bottom is one thing and having the resilience to bounce back is another. I know because I've been in both spaces. Wonderful work from one Texan to another.
The Frog
Dear Net,
I do not wish this on my worst enemy..it tears up a mothers heart..someone told me something once and it was then I was able to let go. They explained to me that by me saving him, I was making him am emotional cripple..I could not understand that..I never let him fall or stand on his own two feet..always saving him..I thought I was loving him..So I pray as you walk through this..finding the strength..I know you will pray for me..like I said earlier in a comment. Strength lies in numbers..we need each other..
Love, and hugs,
Sunnie
My dear Sunnie, this is such a harrowing story and yet beautiful in it's meaning. I am at the point of having to try tough love with my son, but as yet I haven't found your father's strength. I can fully understand how hard his decision was to make and how Robert struggles with his future. I am sending you all my love dear friend, and hopefully one day I can write such an inspirational write as you have done here.x
Thank you Ms Dora, So happy you came by..Yes I so believe in restoration and second chances..I pray for many that they may be restored to their families..
God bless,
Sunnie
Beautiful story of redemption!
Dear Brenda,
My prayer too..May the prodigal come home with good thoughts and lease on life..Thank you my friend,
Love,
Sunnie
This is a very special story and you wrote it very well. May every prodigal be home for Christmas! Thank you Sunnie.
Dear Brenda,
Oh your comment is so true..oh that they would finally relize the love of home and family out weighs what the world offers them..Thank you so much for reading and leaving such an awesome comment.
Love,
Sunnie
Tough love is the most painful love. So many parents and grandparents go through this very scenario. My prayer is that every young and not so young person will realize that the love at home is more than the drugs (or alcohol)and be redeemed. What a bittersweet story you have written.
Good morning Eddy,
Thanks so much for stopping by.While this was hard to write just maybe will bring others together for comfort during this holiday season..Strength in numbers.
Love,
Sunnie
Hi Sunnie,
What an amazing hub told in your own warm style. I felt so touched as the father greeted his son back into the family.
And sad as it is we must allow our loved ones to fall before they can start climbing upwards once more.
As always voted up.
Take care my dear friend,
Eddy.
Dear Daven,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I know what you mean..it is so hard to let people see a part of us that is so personal. I am so thankful for people like you and many others that have come forward to show their love and support. As a mom I do sit,wait, and pray..but not for him to come home..I want him to help himself. He has exhausted everyone in our family for many years. He now sits in jail claiming he has seen the light..I have heard this before..I hope it is true..but it will take him living it for a long time before I trust what he says. I have already told him he cannot come home. I will not help him again..too many years of doing just that..Just a year an half ago we saved him once more..got him on his feet but he chose the other route..he had a roof, job, transportation, food, everything but he still chose the streets way..Thank you for your prayers..My only hope is that there is strength in numbers..you can not help and support anyone who doesnt share..it is not that I wish to air dirty laundry but it helps me to know I am not alone and maybe we can support eachother. Thank you again so much.
Love,
Sunnie
You know Sunnie that you have done the right thing... it is horribly difficult to wait every day. I would not normally share this information so openly... my whole family are alcoholics and heroin addicts. My two sisters and my brother and myself are not... but we have been immersed in this dark waters for our whole lives. My sisters only child, her son... came home while we were caring for our dying mother to kick heroin that was quite an adventure... but that has been ten years or so and he is still clean. My other sisters only child... her son... was on the streets addicted to meth and they gave that boy anything he wanted... he is still a breath away from relapse...but going to meetings. It is hard... it is beyond hard... but as long as you enable they will not find the strength that is needed to overcome drugs. I know that emptiness that sits right there in your heart... waiting... My prayers to you and strength and blessings...
Dear Linda,
The problem we had was we did provide shelter but he continued to do the drugs..we were taking him back and forth to work, probation, you name it..the deal was no drugs..so we had to make him leave..if he had not been doing drugs we would have gladly helped him get on his feet..So many young adults live at home think they can act any way, partying, going out, but live rent free, but still have the comforts of home..When you put the foot down about the running believe me they will not want to stay home anylonger..I pray your family will find healing and move forward..It does break a parents heart for sure.
Sunnie
Dear Shea,
Thank you so much for reading..
God bless,
Sunnie
Very well written and very touching.
Situations like this are hard on everybody. The problem is that the problem child does not see that they are hurting everyone in the family, even friends. My brother has alcohol issues, and legal which is caused by the alcohol, but it everybody else and not him or the alcohol. Then the 2nd is my daughter that was raised by ahole relatives, and god only knows the hell she went through, But at 19, she is safe, she had place to live, yet her bad behavior and issues came with her, and she continues as she has always done. So, as hard as it is, it is time for the both of them to sink or swim. The one just lost the 2nd job in less than a year, the 3rd job in a year and has only had 3 jobs to begin with. As a mother, I really find it hard to maybe start letting her go without. But, she needs food and shelter. Shelter she has. It is bad when somebody won't even apply for programs to assist them, but will run the roads all day and night with the so called friends. Hopefully, all of our children will find their way back, and the pain of watching this horror movie will end for others.
Mike you are so right..my youngest will tell you how awful it was for her to watch her brother fall and hurt the family..She suffered just as much. She felt part of her childhood was stolen because all the emotions and attention went to my son..She has moved past this but she still harbors hurt towards him. She loves him but is like us 'in waiting'..I guess my prayer is that someone will reach out to him while we take out hands off..maybe a stranger will do more good and show him the way...
Thank you Mike,
Sunnie
Some of us escape our childhoods intact and some with just dumb luck. Some pull away so hard from their parents that the fabric is torn. Your story is such an eye opener. Tommy pulled away but received a gift in the form of Mr. and Mrs. Flores. Tommy was finally shown the way home.
Your stories are such lessons, gently conveyed. Something that does not get much attention is the brothers and sisters, of these unfortunates. They that don’t understand, don’t get an explanation and are left to worry and wonder.
Becky: It is called making him take responsibility for his actions. Whatever the reason for jail time and probation, if incident had not occurred, he would not be in this position. Helping sometimes causes more harm than good, because helping is also enabling the bad behavior, etc that put them in the position that they are in.
God bless you, Sunnie. Glad my comments gave you encouragement.
Thank you Cousin Fud for taking the time to read. Have a wonderful Thanksgivng,
God bless,
Sunnie
Dear Becky,
It is so hard isnt it..To let them fall..My son is going through this now..We have saved him more times than I can count..This time he will have to figure it out..so hard to do as parents..I am so happy your son is clean and is trying to do the right thing. I pray he will continue to do what is right. I am learning that it is tough to watch them struggle but we have to just keep praying and let them figure it out..Those fines are serious and if they are not payed then they take them back to jail..It is a hard process but one they have to walk through..I wonder how my son will find a way..We have paid fines in the past and it only prolonged the falling process..I hope your son will not get discouraged and continue to try never looking back..My prayers are with you and your son.
Love,
Sunnie
Oh Sunnie, I sent my son to jail last year and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. By the time he had been in there for a month and a half, he had written us a letter telling us we were right to send him to jail and asking us to forgive him. He was off the drugs and confessed to stealing his fathers medicine and money from us. He really put us in a bad position a couple of times.
Now he is out and really trying hard. He is on probation and is having problems with them. He had a job and lost it because his boss was tired of him having to take a day off every week to go to probation. Then they tell him that he has to come in with $150 by the end of the month or they were going to violate him. Why can''t they help him a little? He is trying so hard.
Beautiful story Sunnie
Dear Linda,
That is so true. If the young adult lives with the same type of issues there is nowhere to go but out and then nowhere to come back too. Such a heartbreaking situation. One can only hope that they break free from the bondage that is at home and will find their way on their own..Many have done that too..Thank you..I hope they will find their way to a productive life.
Love,
Sunnie
There is one in my family, that pretty much, is close to being in this position. Another, not involved with drugs or alcohol, but other issues is pretty close to being there as well. About the only difference is that they have a roof over their heads. Hopefully, both of these members will wake up, like this young man did. But, he had a family who was able to reach him somehow. It is harder to do when there are those who share the behaviors of those that are at the bottom.
Hello Daven,
This is a story close to my heart..while it hasnt happened yet..it is my hope and prayer..I pray for many young adults who have lost their way that they will make a change and come home.
God bless,
Sunnie
Dear Victoria,
I so needed to hear your words tonight with Thanksgiving fast approaching..I know this is the thing to do ..walking it is hard too but I believe it will save him in the end. I am so happy your parents were wise enough to do this..
God bless,
Sunnie
Beautiful, Sunnie Day. The last line brought tears to my eyes. One of my brothers hit bottom before he came back up. My parents let him fall, too. Thank God they were strong enough. I see that parents nearly always take back their prodigal children. They are just so glad they're back in the fold. Glad you wrote this. It means so much.
Oh WOW... There is a reason I look up to you as a writer... it is because you do things like this... well done my friend!
Thank you Linda so much..I just published so maybe it will go up a point or two hopefully.Thank you so much for reading!
God bless,
Sunnie
This is absolutely beautful and deserves much better than a hub score of 49. Hub pages is hung up on 40s for hub scores today. It is nuts and not fair to those who write quality hubs.
Sunnie Day Hub Author 5 months ago
Hello Sharyn,
Yes this has much to do with my own situation. I pray everyday for him..He is writing consistantly and we are just waiting..SO hard to walk through but it is something we have to do..My fiction story is the outcome that I hope to have one day..God bless..and thank you my friend,
Love,
Sunnie